Sunday, 11 May 2008

Mirror of Molestation


Shadows sparkle and shimmer. The surrounding materializes into surreal, superficial, supernatural surroundings. I look at myself full in front of the mirror. As I undress, realization comes upon me and I abhor every part of my body. I touch the nape of my neck and a shiver runs down my spine. I eye myself incessantly, sometimes with confidence and then losing it completely. The mirror reflects my naked body and I have a strange feeling that there is someone around me even though I am all alone. My muse that inspired me to live is dead. I feel my breasts as I close my eyes and sense an abominable hand groping them. I give a choked cry of despair and open my eyes brimming with tears. My individuality is lost; my life has evaporated in the crowd of selfish attitudes. I rethink about what has happened with me... I am scared to even think of what has happened. Nostalgia is always painful. A vivid image of crimson blood stains on the skirt of my stained life and the grotesqueness of my decaying body zooms into perspective. I am bound in the shackles of self-hatred and self-love. I move my hand over my virgin body, no longer virgin but ravaged by my own relative! My cousin! I hate to call him my brother! He is not responsible for the loss of my virginity or my rape but yes I have been molested! I feel filthy from within... Molested! Molested and yet again molested! Bloodshot eyes, blood stained clothes; blood gorged wounded dreams, all pile up stack by stack and hungrily gnaw at me. Red merges with black and black with eternal darkness... darkness which has the strength to suffocate and strangle my soul illuminates the mirror as I lament and cry in pain.

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37 comments/suggestions:

rahul said...

is this true !!!!

Dheeraj said...

I mean wat? Little peerplexed I m. help me out..

Ravindra Merthi said...

There is nothing to say about tht...jus close ur eyes n think abt ur comin life ....
its a dark side of ones life....we cant change our past bt we can change our tomorrow....n our tomorrow depends upon our present
so dont b depressd jus bcz of a worst thng happnd in life...
Ek nayi suruwat zindagi me....wll mere liye ye kehna aasan hai kyunki maine kabhi us dard ko nahi sha....

Shankar Lal said...

If its true,I would really praise you for your boldness in writing about this topic about yourself. I have never seen any woman molested having the guts to express this in a blog. Kudos to you for your boldness.

Also, want to say this.
You have an excellent vocabulary and can become a very great writer in future.


And my simple message. Its life and be ready to face any thing what so ever comes in your life.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anu,

Life has many twists and turns that we have to go through before we reach its end. The body can be molested but the soul can't be.

Draw your inner strength, take a few deep breaths and move on. But, please be careful and take care.

You have a lot of potential and a lot to achieve...

- Osh

Jolly Rogger Z said...

That was really touching...

It's hard to trust ppl when such things happen to u..
I cant ask u to forget it as i understand the scars r too deeply rooted for that. But look forwars, u are young n energetic. I'm sure u can achieve a lot.

The way you presented the was most aesthetic....U have a bright future.

God Bless You!!!

------ Chaitanya

chinu said...

Dear Anu g,

First Of Awl dat was ur feelings so i respect ur feelings nd mai head is dwn in front of u. bt dear lyf is full of joy. may b sorrow is also vid joy or more dan joy bt y u dont think mai dose thoughts lyk (leave ur past enjoy ur present nd who d hell knows his/ her future)..... tears tell us to live vid joy nd abt ur person lyf evry 1 goes through dis kinda pain bt dis nt means dat u fell dwn nd thought lyf is only vid tears. Mai Sweet dear in dis world dere r too many hands to tackle u as a good friend bt thought dere r too many bad 1s also bt itz upto u dat wen u vill be ready to choose som good ones... i hope dat nd wish 4 u darling .....ur best wisher vishal

Urvan (SSDT) Anahata said...

hi


just read your blog......not really shocked to kow about it...but I do feel sorry for you....
most of time human lust takes over human morals and thin lines are crossed......and we say that we are humans.....ofcourse social animals.....but sometimes worser animal takes over....

but you need to forgive....if you haven't done yet and learn from it....so that this never happens again atleast nt without your permission.....

well as far as i can tell you.... everyone has got a wolf, goat and a cabbage inside......and everyone have to keep former two satisfied....wolf represnts your whole of the fundamental and reflex functioning ,, sheep are your feelings, and cabbage your intelligence.... everyone depends on other... if one is not satisfied other dies.... and one dies everyone dies....

so you need to keep it intact your wolf,sheep and cabbage....

I am saying this because I also suffered something of same kind....but in my case I was first Victim but not of any one I know or my relative at a very young age (8-9)...then at some stage of my life few years later I could have returned the favour....but I knew how it affected and I tamed the wolf....and forgave....also saving myself from being one of them....

sudeep said...

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH God y the ppl above me thinks that its abt u.......
I don't find it anywhere related to u ..
But nice use of words keep writing n do write something optimistic my cute optimistic gal really ur works r quite deceptive han wat u r ...........N i always say that it is always difficult to go against wat u really r ...........

amit said...

Heyy THahts really one of the most Shocking situations i hav faced while reading an article..but if its true One thing i wud lik to say u is ,,kii just move on in life...n take life wid the same optimism which u hav shown in ur writing>>Hats off to you Gal..

Praveen Dwivedi said...

Dear Girl,

U write good, dont waste it , when a flow of praises come down , just keep on writing , its good to write, but its better to express and i can see immense power of expression, this is grt , go on gal , go take on the day..............best Wishes.


Praveen Dwivedi.

TOSH said...

deep... poignant...

outlooked said...

Hey it was a nice post deeply written. My heart sank for a while.

I hope its not real.

Anyways, great post indeed.

rovinroustabout said...

u write well, i was just wondering why this thought struck u, i have been wid a person who also experienced sthing similar.....

Anonymous said...

Well rovinroustabout,
U say u know a person who has experienced something similar; if that is true how can you call this blog more of voyeurism?And do you know the author personally? If not then how can you comment on someone in such a manner. Voyeurism is a critique on the author's creativity and character not her work and thats a really shameful thing for you to say

@anon.
You see how one misinterpreted post can cause a dark mark on the author's character. You say you know her, I don't believe you do know her if you did you would have never hurt her emotions. Don't you know its so difficult to express these things and if someone has who knows you don't you think you should support that person rather than making fun of the situation

@Post
Superb post and I would like to say I am really happy that a girl has come up with something like this without the fear of what some people have to say

Anonymous said...

@above
Thanx buddy i m the anonymous whom ur talking abt n i knw i made the mistake i was regretting for that.
My intentions was never to hurt her but i wanted to just make these heavy comments a bit lite but it took a bad shape...
@Author
I m really sorry i never wanted to hurt u.

rovinroustabout said...

Look boss I said that because I know a person, and I also know how difficult it is to explain, in fact to narrate it. That unfortunate person was the person whom I loved the most. And as her boyfriend I also lived this. I have not done any character analysis of the author. I have commented on the comments, nd fr what seems like sympathy or empathy or whatever is actually voyeurism. We like reading about other’s pain that’s how most of the newspapers work. Bad news is good news. As far as the author is concerned her effort and writing about this unconventional thought is commendable.

A Chaingang Soldier said...

I am bound in the shackles of self-hatred and self-love...


Very deep and affecting.. Beautiful usage of words.

I wish it should not be true.

-Aswin

Anonymous said...

oh i am terribly sorry to know that u ve been raped...

... but i am sure writing it in here, ll defntly help the pain to be shared n vanished there by.

somewhere down the lane... u ve gone wrong as wel...

lets forget it n move on takin the lesson ahead...

rovinroustabout said...

Its not a rape yar. If sthing like dis happns wid yr gal friend den dat person can only understand..

dRoZzY!!! said...

fiction or not... it's well written!
great..

KAMONASISH AAYUSH MAZUMDAR said...

:)
attitudes of ppl need an overhaul

dRoZzY!!! said...

great picture... looks nice!
would you want to photowalk in delhi?

Ayatollah of Life said...

Absolutely fantastic!!
I don't even have the words to express how absolutely fantastic this article was!!
There's no doubt you are a fabulous writer!!
By far one of the best!!
Have a great future ahead!!
:)

Kartiek Agarwal said...

you're a true artist. Beautiful writing, and photographing and photo-editing.

satish said...

grrrrr8 writin...hats off 2 u...evn i m a writer, nd i feel lyk u became an inspiration 2 me..fantastic!!!! really tugged my hrt nd soul..U CN BCOM A DAN BROWN

aint_no_saint said...

Stil Think dis Shud not'v bn here.. neways..Happy BLoggin

Real Illusion said...

I Dunno Whether It Is True Or No, But The Way It Is Written, The Emotions That It Evokes, Is Worth A BIG Round Of Applause. Hats Off For Such Wonderful Writing...

Btw, I Hope Its Just A Post And Not A True Incident...

Cheers...
Happy Writing...

UD said...

2 Ways...........

The Smart one....... and the Over smart one.......

let me keep the best part for the last...........

Over Smart one..... looking at the detailing of the Feelings.... it deciphers the presence at the scene in person.... as cliched it may sound... takes a lot of courage to even share it on the same day it happened with almost all the world..... but the Moon is not stainless..... yet it is always been known as the Symbol of beauty......

The Smart one......... Luck has never been kind enough to bestow such a pain.... as the most beautiful lyrics do get penned down when you feel so much pain....the most humerus smile shivers through your body when you have overcome the pain......
and as " Nostalgia is always painful" it will keep your pen busy... which is a blessings in disguise..... chasm of caliginosity will live on.... so will the great writer and her work.....

Best Of luck.....

UD...

silentlyexpress said...

god bless you...there is a lot to hope and a lovely life to live.. i'm sure ...

neha said...

i know how it feels....few pains r bigger then life but we've too live for others,ppl who care n luv...we can't overhear the echo of our soul but ve too shut it inside for the sake of all...god bless u!!

pranay said...

hey aNNu exTraordinAry work ..
i Can't Imagine ur ImaGinAtion ...

prasoon said...

oye writer mam inn baccho k sawalo k jawaab kun degaa......

Kalyan ( Progress for all) said...

If this is how our society and individualism is going to shape then the end of the world is near. I don't want to know if this is true or not. However, I would like to say that this incident that you have described is the epitome of denigration in the human society.
A cousin "brother" doing this gruesome act with a relative. This is atrocious.
I don't feel sorry for you, because that would make you weak. I don't pity you because that would make you even more in-confident. All I would like to say that the perpetrator of such an act should get a just punishment not only from the law but also from the family.

Deepa said...

This is a poignant account. As a woman, I connect to this. I applaud you for using this space to give voice to this real but little talked about issue. You could have been telling the story of just anyone. All women feel this threat, some experience it and are scarred for life. Speaking about it could help in healing. Maybe.

ruhisonal said...

Very well written. I hope it isn't true, for it is really sad.

The unfortunate part is that such incidents are a lot more common than people think :(

Beautifully expressed.

kofykat said...

Fiction or not, your writing style is beautiful. I'd suggest that you publish a book..... I'm favourite-ing this post because it is inspiration to me.....inspiration that if it were true that someone is brave enough to come out about it, if not, the picture that this paints in painfully inspiring...